Kellyanne Conway is a Robot

This is not an alternative fact.  You already knew this, but I just wanted to reiterate.  I'm not exactly sure who programmed her or why her firmware has not been updated in a decade, but she continues to spew nonsense wherever she roams.  Limiting her time in the media is probably the only smart move that the Drump administration has made.

Kayleigh McEnany is a Robot

Do I really need to explain?  Run.  Run far from this device.

Paul Ryan is a Robot

Dear reader,
This should not surprise you.  Simply observe Mr. Ryan's behavior.

Firstly, Paul Ryan cannot answer any question that's been asked of him.  His A.I. programming is simply not advanced enough.  Secondly, he speaks as though he's trying to convince his listeners of something but he has no clue that they are aware that he's not human.  His only tactic for persuasion is akin to that of a car salesman trying to explain the value and purpose of "clear-coat."  Everyone knows it's bull-honkey (yes, I'm reviving that one).  More, the fact that his skin is so pale that you can nearly see through it turns even the most sympathetic human off at the onset of conversation.

Look, I'm not here to bet up on a human, I wouldn't do that. But Ryan simply does not appear to have human characteristics. Are we seriously going to fall for the widow peak AND a low lying hairline - at his age?? This is just too much to take - on top of the fact that he'd like us to believe that he has BLUE eyes (we see you trying to accent your eyes with your blue ties, you sick, robot bastard).

Most importantly, when the "Paul Ryan 2000" model, or whatever they tagged his model, tried to pass legislation, he couldn't even deliver something worthy to the United States of America with 7 YEARS to work on it! Come on, man!  You had seven freakin' years and all you have is a dark blue piece of paper held up while on camera just to show that your programming allows you to print in color? Hey look, guys!  It uses Lasers! (Firmware update: Lasers are not new, Paul)  Jesus.  It's like trying to chew eggplant rhine when listening to this guy push a law that no one wants. 

Dear Paul,

Just because you stare harder, more intense and longer than everyone else in congress, it doesn't mean that you appear more human.  In fact, the opposite is true.  Hell, your robot boss is indicating your deprecation.  If that's not obsolete, I don't know what is!  Trump is the AOL of the United States Government.  I'm not surprised he allowed you to waste so much processing power. 

I'm not sure why you're trying to push the red hat or the "work out"(appears to be a memory leak). What we need is for you congressional robots to stop following the LOBBY program and for all of you to start working for the people of the United States of America.  We don't want more Defense.  We don't want more bombing of countries and innocent people on the other side of the world.  We don't want you to Beep-Boop-Beep your way into more benefits for you and the rest of government shills.  

We want you to use our tax money to benefit US - the people that pay it and PAY YOU. 

Zippity Doo Da, Bye Bye.

Beat Box: This ain't yo Fat Boys

I come from the Breakdance Era.  That's right - the STREETS.  Not really, but I was dancing on the streets.  Things were different in 1984.  Breakin', Breakin' 2 - Electric Boogaloo and linoleum mats on my driveway....

Back in the day, I wanted to windmill into your heart and then totally beat your ass with a tight Top-Rock while I was only in 3rd grade.   More than that, I wanted to beat box like a champ.  I still do this while at home, at work, for my son... I never stop.  Like Turbo, I just won't quit.  

I've been hovering the proverbial Breakin' broom over my household in an effort to continue the passion sound that is the Ozone of subculture. Even Shooter McGavin gets it.  Bobby McFerrin has nothing on this.

My favorite battle is Skiller vs. Alem in the Beatbox Championship of 2012.  See it here and realize that you really need a good sound system to hear the spectrum of sound frequency:

Skiller has a record deal, believe it or not.  I consider both to be massively talented.  Here is Alem doing some work at home with a metronome.  Incredible:

But then... They get together again!

One of my other favorites is Reeps One:

I cook, yes.  But I also clean it up with some fresh beats in my kitchen while I do so.  Curries go well with a fresh beat.  To top it off, here is a nice combo from several beat boxers at the last championship.  The All Stars Jam:

Carrot and Mushroom Curry soup

It's curry again.  Why not?

Don't front.  I have all of the spices to make curry from scratch, so it seems silly to simply make a sandwich for lunch when I know I can have a world of flavor in each spoon.  In the meantime, as cooking and a tasty drink go hand-in-hand, why not sip on an IPA while I get to work:

I thought that I would take a stab at making a carrot and mushroom soup.  Seemed like a legit idea. Both vegetables are from the ground and what not. Check.  Both have an intricate, earthy flavor. Check.  But will they compliment one another?  I wanted to find out.

I began with the curry:
2 Tblsp Peanut butter
2 Tblsp Sriracha Sauce
1/2 tsp ground pepper
1 tsp Coriander
1 tsp Cumin
1 tsp Turmeric
1/2 tsp Cinnamon
3 cloves
1/2 tsp Nutmeg
1 small diced onion
1/3 cup of vegan butter
1 tsp Sea Salt
1 Tbsp diced Ginger
4 cloves of Garlic, minced
1/2 can of Coconut milk

I added all the above ingredients to a sauce pan and cooked at medium heat (about 15min) until the onions were super-duper soft.  In the meantime, I boiled an entire bag of carrots in 3 cups of water for 30 minutes.  I placed the remaining water and carrots into a Ninja and chopped 1 pack of Button mushrooms to join the party.  I mixed until completely smooth and then placed it back into the pot with the curry.  I added 2-3 cups of water and cooked on medium heat for 20 minutes.

Now I'm bored.  Are you bored?

I had dreamt up and cooked a thai carrot soup recently, and it was amazing.  I think I can do better, here.  As I stirred the soup, I was talking to a very good friend of mine about how this recipe could be improved.  Perhaps some tofu and some peas?  We conferred for a bit and decided that peas were good but they simply provided thickness, not a whole lot of flavor.  But I'm going to go ahead and say that we were wrong.  I popped out to my local natural foods store and grabbed the additional ingredients.

To prepare the tofu and peas, I put 2Tblsp of oil into a pan with 3/4 Tblsp of store-bought curry powder and 1tsp of Sea Salt.  I dried and then cubed the tofu and cooked it in the pan on Med-High heat for 10 minutes, adding the peas only to thaw them.  Beware: do not stare at this dish while cooking for too long.  This amount of yellow will jack with your visual rods and cones, there is so much turmeric:

My friend asked me, "Are they English peas?"
I had no clue.  These were frozen peas and, quite frankly, I find them sweeter than their sodium-saturated brethren drowned in a can.  This is why peas were a great compliment to this dish.  But here is the deal, peeps.  Salt is tricky when making curry from scratch.  I have a MASSIVE bowl of food, here, and seemingly haven't used enough salt.  But I don't want to add salt at the moment.  The reason is that freshly made curry will marry over time.  The flavor of this dish is going to change.  I've tested the final combination and the result is what I refer to as a "Creeper."

It looks like brown gravy and beef tips, yeah?  It's very delicious(and vegan), but the flavor will hit your brain over a matter of ten seconds.  First, the taste is extremely light.  Then seconds later, a flood of various and complex spices enter such that you will savor it before the next bite.  You may even find that the "heat" hits surprisingly late; long after the swallow is down the hatch.  Warn your weaker friends.

I shall let this beauty nap for a bit, give birth to the unknown and report back...

Update: This deep flavored dish only needed a bit more garlic.  The saltiness came on with time.  Delicious, sweet, and earthy is the flavor of the Carrot Mushroom soup.  With tofu and peas... and a bunch of other stuff.

Chickpea Cashew Coconut Curry with Spinach

And... We're back!

It's been a while, since I posted last.  But my friends, curry never goes bad and I'm aging well.  Thus, I'm getting back into the mix!  Let's cook.

 I think I may just dab a bit of curry on my neck before work.  Kidding - I won't, but I love it enough to make such a threat. Cue sandalwood instead.  It blows my mind how many times I mention curry only to find that most people still do not know what the hell it is.  Curry is not a spice.  Curry is not a sap that one derives from a plant.  Curry is a mixture of spices/vegetables/herbs and it can be in various combinations and amounts.  Not only is the idea of curry so foreign to some that they shy away from it, but it seems that it simply does not jibe with their palettes.  That's very unfortunate for a mouth's existence because I find dishes utilizing curry to be some of the most enjoyable in life.  My tongue loves it and so does my belly.  This is what the dish I be cookin' looks like:

That bowl isn't all that clean on the sides because half of it is gone.  I'll not take credit for its creation, so here is the recipe I referenced:  Chickpea Cashew Coconut Curry

It is important to note, I did not follow the recipe word for word.  I didn't have all of the ingredients and I made 1.5 times the listed amount.  I also added spinach just because I freakin' love spinach.  So in order to make this a little easier, you can watch me make the delicious dish.  Proper cooking:

Grow Your Basil...

...for crying out loud.  Why for crying out loud?
Because it's as about as easy as it can get in the realm of gardening.  I'm not going to detail general gardening techniques, planting seasons and all of the other earthy junk that you can find from Google.

The most important thing is this:  Basil loves a lot of water and Basil loves direct sunlight.

Here is my method and I've done this more than once with great success.

1. Buy some good potting soil and fill an 8"x10"pot 2/3-3/4 full.
1-b.  Yes.  I'm saying screw those little plastic seeding cups.
2. Make a 3" diameter reservoir in the center of the soil approximately 2" deep.
3. Pour in organic basil seeds and cover with soil.  Pack the soil lightly.
4. Lightly water.
5. Leave outside in the sunlight if there is no threat of a frost.


Continue to lightly water the pot every day for the first two weeks being sure not to over-saturate the soil.  You should see the green within just a few days, and it's exciting!   When the sprouts begin to flourish, begin adding more water and give it plenty of sunlight.  If you water this plant every morning and leave it in the sun, it will go absolutely nuts!  And I can think of a nut that goes quite well with basil...  Vegan Pesto recipe for another day... It's GOOD.

To be more specific about a flourishing basil plant in direct sunlight, you can saturate the soil in the morning on a daily basis.  Pull off leaves as you need for cooking throughout the Summer.  The plant will continue to grow as long as it has enough of the two things that it loves the most.  Hell, sing to it as well, if you like.
You'll be singing anyway.

Who the hell doesn't love Basil?!!!